I think it’s really easy to get worried in general and
easiest of all to get worried about money.
It’s one of those monsters-sized doubts that just creep into
your head. “Do you have the money to pay that bill?” “Do you have the money to
be here, serving, at all?” “Do you have the money for that $12 peso quesadilla
you’re about to consume?” The money monsters attack you until you’re making
ridiculous decisions and doubting every financial choice you’ve ever made in
your life.
I’m not saying don’t be prudent with your money. Being a
missionary is hard, and I’m finding that a chronic lack of money seems to go
with it. Honestly, recently I’ve started to question myself, wondering how I’m going
to be able to sustain my life here in Mexico as my savings begin to dwindle.
And that’s a real question, with real responsibilities attached to it, and it’s
a question that scares me. Because even though I know that I’m here, doing what
the Lord is asking of me, part of me-that little part in the back of my head
that always seems to grow to a disproportionately loud volume when I start doubting
God-wonders if He’s really going to
take care of me, or if I’m underfunded because I’m somehow failing him?
When these things happen, it’s time for a miracle. Or at
least some tangible evidence that the Lord really is taking care of me. And one
such miracle happened to me a week ago, one that I’m still chewing on because
it’s just so improbable.
Last week a bunch of my compatriots and I went to Cuernavaca
for the evening, to promote the various branches of Living Hope International
at a concert. I woke up not feeling very well that day, and spent most of the
morning taking Tylenol and drinking tea. However, by mid afternoon I was
feeling better, and we piled into the van for the 3 ½ hour ride to Cuernavaca.
Cuernavaca is beautiful-it’s a great place. We got to the
concert venue, which was a baseball field, and started to pass out our flyers.
About a half an hour into passing things out, I started to feel really sick. I
was dizzy, and achy, and my throat was on fire. All I wanted was some water,
because I felt like I was going to throw up or faint, and I really needed
something to help. However, I only had $10 pesos with me. Which is like, $0.80
and doesn’t get you very far, even in Mexico.
I felt so awful though, I just had to give it a try. So,
praying under my breath and swaying a little from light-headedness (I wonder if
anyone thought I was drunk?) I went into the grocery store we were standing
outside of. The whole time I was walking, I was praying, “Lord, please, let
there be really cheap water, because I feel awful and I’m not going to make it”
I walked up to the beverage cooler they had, and there
inside were the biggest water bottles I had ever seen in my life. They were
like, 1.5 l, which is a LOT of water. I looked at the price, hoping to could
buy one, and the listed price was $3.70.
People, that’s $0.28.
I bought two, and a little one with the left over change, and
I felt better within 45 minutes. Better than that, I was able to share my water
with my friends, who were also suffering from thirst. At a time when I had next
to nothing, God used my poverty to show me how great He is, and how He can provide
for me.
So I’ve also stopped worrying about whether or not God’s
going to provide for me. If he can provide water for me when I had almost
nothing, than he can pay my bills. My God’s looking out for me.