Starting the Story

I’m just going to tell you up front: this is not a success story. Yet.

It’s not even really a story yet. To call it what it is, it’s a beginning. There’s no middle, no ending yet; just the potential for something wonderful to happen. But read it, see what God’s doing, and judge for yourselves what part of her story this is.

Dani came to us in October. Newly turned 7, she had the mentality of a toddler. I’m not talking about her intelligence; Dani is very smart. But, because of the trauma she had endured, abuse and neglect had rendered Dani into a fragment of what she had the capacity to be. This skinny, long-limbed, loud little child wandered into our care, and I will be the first to tell you we had no idea what to do with her.

She yelled, she screamed, she swore, she bit. She had nightmares, she had day terrors. She was terrified of any and all new people in her life, and reacted in a predictable, if unpleasant fashion: by screaming, hitting, and biting the stranger. But beneath that traumatized little girl there were pieces of a wonderful little person, waiting for it to be safe enough to come out.

I will tell you something that breaks my heart: I will tell you one of the first things she ever said to me. When she arrived, and we were left to our own devices for the first time, she spent a long time looking at me suspiciously. Dani has this wonderfully expressive face, and she does suspicious really well. She screws up her face and looks at you like you just shoved a chocolate-covered cockroach or something equally pleasant under her nose. And then she opened her mouth and asked me, “When are you going to start hitting me?”

Not, “Are you going to hit me?” Not, “Do they hit here?” No, just the expectant “When are you going to start hitting me?”

You see, in Dani’s experience, adults always hit. Everyone hit. So asking me when I was going to start hitting her wasn’t a sad thing, it was a normal question,  and when I told her I would never hit her, she had no response aside from obvious disbelief-it was not believable to her that she wouldn’t be hit.

I told you that this was the beginning of a story, and now I’ll explain why. You see, we can’t make Dani better in four months. Seven years of neglect, abuse and trauma is a big hurdle to jump. Every day is still a struggle with her. She still hasn’t learned that hitting is not a viable option for problem solving. She has yet to learn that swearing is unacceptable from small children, or that stealing is wrong. She has nightmares, and is only now starting to get past her fear of strangers.

However, the changes we have seen are remarkable. Dani is like a little flower opening up to the sun for the first time. Finally in an environment where she can grow and thrive, Dani is excelling in school. For the first time in her life, she has friends. She has supervisors to love and take care of her, and while we’re not as good as parents, I like to think we do an okay job. She’s learning about Jesus, and loves to sing the worship songs she learns at church, or make up her own songs about Jesus and fish (although I couldn’t tell you why).

But best of all, Dani has finally stopped waiting for someone to hit her.  When I asked her yesterday if she thought anyone here would hit her, this is what she had to say:

“No, you wouldn’t hit me, or Ofe or Esmi or Ana (other supervisors in the dorm), and nobody would hit me even if I was bad I would get a punishment because when you’re bad you get a punishment like having to watch everyone else play and but when you obey you don’t get a punishment you get to eat candy. Can I have some candy?”

I gave the kid some candy. It was a great answer.

If you have any questions or comments, I would love to hear from you! Please email me at alishatomsen@lovehopemercy.org. If you are wondering how to you help me, please be praying for me-I have eight children, I need it! If you would like to support me financially, either through a one-time donation or monthly, please contact Mary Madsen at accounting@lovehopemercy.org or email me for more information. 

And thank you for reading my blog! I hope you enjoy it, and feel free to leave comments and feedback!

Alisha