Oh, Erika

According to my friends, Erika has a lot
in common with Pinkalicious in this picture.

If you’re tired of temper tantrums, raise your hand.

I’m raising my hand.

Erika has mastered
the art of the photo bomb. Count
them below!

I love Erika. She’s a ray of sunshine that usually has a smile on her face that breaks my heart. My little girl with the permanent bed head and the missing front teeth, Erika is more likely than anyone else to be wearing something that absolutely does not match, and not care even a little bit. She loves to play, and plays hard. She’s my extreme child: extremely happy, extremely loud, extremely resistant to bedtime, and sometimes, extremely naughty.

Erika arrived with her sisters Abigail and Teresa on August 1. I was the one who brought them in, got them settled and spent the most time with them the first few weeks that they were at Esperanza Viva. One thing that was glaringly apparent after spending some time with Erika was that she had a listening problem. And by listening problem, I mean that she blatantly ignored anyone who told her what to do, choosing instead to do whatever she wanted, which (at the time) included:

My first picture of Erika,
the day she arrived.

Biting her sister Teresa,

Jumping off bunk beds and tables,

Trying to stick her entire fist in the dog’s mouth (and being outraged at what happened next),

Drinking three bottles of Coca-Cola an hour before bed,

Etc., ad naseum. 

We’ve spend the last seven months building Erika’s moral compass, because it simply wasn’t there when she arrived. She isn’t a bad child; she just has never had to be obedient before. Her mother was a single mom trying to keep her family afloat and until arriving at EV, the main authority in Erika’s life was her nine-year-old sister Abi. Of course she couldn’t behave herself: she didn’t know how.

Christmas fun

She didn’t know how to control her emotions. She couldn’t calm herself down; when she got excited she simply lost control. The same thing happened when she got angry. Erika had no way to demonstrate her emotions, either. She didn’t know how to show love, affection, friendship. She took what she wanted and was bewildered when the other girls got upset with her: she didn’t understand why they didn’t just take their toys back. And when faced with the consequences of her actions, Erika usually opted for the time-honored favorite of children dealing with things they dislike everywhere: the temper tantrum.

Lost a sweatshirt? Temper tantrum.

Can’t color right now? Temper tantrum.

Facing punishment for throwing a temper tantrum? 

Worse temper tantrum.

And so it goes, which brings us right up to today. Erika remains the reigning temper-tantrum queen, although there are a couple other little girls fighting for her crown. To be fair to the seven-year-old: her temper tantrums are getting shorter as she’s learning to control her emotions-major coup for the supervisors! We’re down to only one a day, and sometimes entire days pass without any, which is unprecedented, and encouraging for me.

What helps me when I get down about Erika’s behavior is remembering the little girl I met last August: the little hellion who was as likely to hit you as she was to hug you, the little girl who regularly told her sisters she hated them. Erika today is a loving little girl, who is still learning not to hit but who would defend her sisters to the last breath and spends more time with them than anyone else. Does she behave perfectly? Nah, but that’s a lot to ask for. What’s more important is, has she learned to show love? And that, my friends, is a resounding yes. 

So I’m okay with a few temper tantrums here and there.