Satyuri

Satuyri, two days after she
arrived

One of the things I don’t do often enough is brag on just one of my kids. There are nine of them, and sometimes I feel like I only give the briefest hints of who they are. I mention the little ones a lot-Jenny and Teresa, the tiny dynamic duo of mischief. I mention Evelyn, as I shake my head at her perceptions and dramatics. I mention Ada, who loves me, and I talk about Erika’s hyjinks. Andrea’s only been here for a month or so and she’s been talked about, just for being a spitfire.

But someone I almost never talk about is Satyuri and that’s not fair, because Satyuri is a special and amazing little girl with a heart of gold.

First day of 3rd grade

She came in July. Just turned eight and already more responsible than some adults, what I didn’t know at the time was that Satyuri was dealing with a serious trauma. To me, she just looked like one tranquil little girl in a sea of excitable girl-creatures, and I remember thinking “At least one of them is calm.” Because out of the eight little girls who came to us in that two week period, she really was the only one.

Pandemonium set in and then was eventually phased out as everyone got used to their new home, but Satyuri never lost her cool. Always helpful, always sweet, she kept a firm hand over both her older and younger sisters Adriana and Ingrid, keeping them in line and watching over them. Her grandmother had mentioned something like that to the social worker before the girls came in, but it was amazing to see in person. Both Adriana and Ingrid listened to their sister far more than they listened to us, and she in turn kept track of them like she was their own mother instead of their sister.

Do You Wanna
Build a Snowman?

Satuyuri being funny
on her English homework

We never had any trouble with Sat: she always listened, always obeyed, and always did her share. However, I noticed over time that she never really talked about herself. She talked to the other girls, would play with them sometimes, but she didn’t open up to anyone. She was reserved, but it was more than that: she seemed introverted. She would wake up at night with nightmares but wouldn’t tell anyone until morning, and even then she only mentioned them in passing. Both of her sisters had nightmares as well, and would scream and cry in the night until they woke a supervisor or themselves up, but Satyuri only ever woke me up once. When I went to check on her, I found her laying bed with her eyes closed, pretending to sleep and obviously crying. She seemed terrified to let anyone in or get close to anyone except for her sisters, who she fiercely protected and watched over.

Satyuri with BFF Ada
and Erika the fashion diva

It was around this time that I heard something for the first time about the girls’ mother.

Ingrid was the one who let it slip. The three of them, Satyuri, Ingrid and Adriana were playing with Evelyn, who was letting them eat something her mother had brought her. The girls were sitting around, happily munching when Ingrid said something like “My mommy used to make me this.” After she said it she seemed to realize her mistake, because she froze and turned to look at Sat, so I did too.

Satyuri had turned white. She was beyond pale, and looked like she wasn’t breathing. She clenched her hands as tears filled her eyes, and without saying anything, she got up and went to the bathroom, Ingrid following her, crying and apologizing as she went. As Adriana sighed and went after them, Evelyn asked the question I was thinking. “What happened to your mom?”

“My mom is dead.” said Adriana, shutting the door behind her.

Tree climbing

It took six months for the girls to open up about what happened to their mom. Although they had largely been raised by their grandmother, their mom had been in and out of their lives, and they loved her. Shortly before they came to live at Esperanza Viva, their mother died suddenly, succumbing to an extended illness that had taken its toll on the girls and their grandmother alike. Unfortunately, the ones who were with her as she died were Satyuri and Ingrid, and it was Satyuri who told her grandmother what happened and also told her sisters, as Ingrid was too young to understand and Adriana wasn’t there. She shouldered a responsibility that was too big for her, and when her world turned upside-down, she didn’t know how to let that responsibility go.

Trying on Alisha's shoes: guess
who was the ring leader?

The night the girls told me what had happened, Satyuri cried for two hours. She cried until her eyes were so swollen I put ice on them. She fell asleep crying, and when I carried her to bed she woke up and asked me to hold her as she went to sleep, something she had never wanted to do before. My little girl, after having to be a grown-up for so long, was finally deciding it was okay to be a child again. She didn’t have to be strong anymore.

Cupcake time!

Since that night in January, the change in Satyuri has been incremental, but incredible. She acts like a child now. She is still the same smart, caring girl she ever was, but she’s no longer always so calm. These days, Satyuri can be found orchestrating a game of tag as easily as she can be found reading. She plays instead of sitting on the sidelines watching her sisters. Sometimes, she doesn’t even know where Ingrid is, and she doesn’t care, because she knows we know where she is. Satyuri has opened up about her mom, and can talk about her without crying now. She is learning to deal with what happened, but she is also learning about a God who loves her and her sisters, and who will take care of them. Of all of my little girls, I can’t think of any that has come as far as Satyuri, and I'm so proud of the person she’s grown into.