Let it Go

I’m going to tell you a story. This story is probably about me, but could just as easily be about someone else-that’s not the point. This is a story about dreams, and obedience. This is a story about falling in love, and eventually falling out again.

This is a story about letting go.

The first time they saw each other, they both noticed someone else. She didn’t think he was very smart. He didn’t think she was very attractive. And then, they got to know each other. Suddenly, he was a lot smarter than she had given him credit for. Suddenly, he started seeing beautiful things about her everywhere, and started talking to her more just to look at her face.

Suddenly, they both fell hard in love.

Was it real? It felt real. All of the symptoms from any teen love song were there: obsessive thinking, foolish looks on their faces, empty promises. What else could they need? More than that, though, they knew. Because they had prayed. And God had answered-one of them.

Since she had her answer from God, she could just sit back and relax, knowing that there was a divine stamp of approval on this blossoming relationship. Maybe she let herself get a little too emotionally involved; so what? It would all work out in the end-God had told her so.

In the meantime, he prayed, too, and didn’t ever get an answer. But here was this girl who seemed interested and had assured him that this was meant to be, so it seemed okay. Well, okay until he started talking to another girl, and began to think about her pretty face instead of our heroine’s.

You can see where I’m going here, right? Because like I said, this is not a unique story. And while I’m over-simplifying things, it’s a look at the way Christian relationships sometimes evolve.

Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m all for Christian relationships. I believe that God is interested in every area of my life, and that He has a plan for my (someday) marriage that will reflect His glory. I’m fully on board with that. But, you see, there’s more to this story that you don’t know about.

Once upon a time, a girl fell in love with a boy who said he loved her back. His actions spoke louder than his words though, and finally she had to turn away from him. She was devastated-she missed him-but what’s worse, she couldn’t let go of the hope that it would all work out in the end. Because God had told her that he was the one for her. So she ignored the smarter part of her brain that said maybe she needed to reevaluate a few things, and prayed and prayed and prayed.

And he came back. He was there again, and he told her all the thing she needed to hear. He talked about the life they would have together, and how they would never let one another go; the things they would do, the children they would have-it was the fairy tale, all over again.

He talked so much that it was hard for her to hear how he never really said anything. And though his plans were good, this time she couldn’t ignore the warning bells in her head when he started to talk to her less. She knew something was going on, and finally admitted to herself that he wasn’t really trustworthy. So she turned away from him again, and cut him out of her life completely, even though it felt as though she were cutting her own skin. And she cried for a long time.

But God had told her that he was the one for her. So she got on her knees and prayed and prayed and prayed again.

And he came back again…but he hadn’t changed. Instead of repeating this drama for a third time, instead of crying and praying, our heroine sat down and thought for a while:

Is God capable of changing him? Yes.

But is he changing? No.

Is this situation glorifying God? Did it ever? …um-maybe? But probably not.

Is it time to let this go?

Sometimes we get stuck in repeat. We make the same mistakes again and again, and can’t seem to learn our lessons. And, I hate to say it, most of the time we tend to get stuck the most in relationships. Not because we’re stupid, but because we’re clinging to the idea of what something or someone should be, and not understanding what they are. There is joy in seeing possibilities in life and in people-it opens an entire world. But sometimes, you need to call a spade a spade and just let go.

Since I assume you to be astute readers, I’m also going to assume you’ve deduced the identity of our plucky heroine. Letting go of that dream of him was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I couldn’t accept that he wasn’t changing, that maybe the answer was really ‘no.’ If he wasn’t what I thought he was supposed to be, had I been (gasp!) wrong? Had I misunderstood God though the din of the hormones and wistful thinking and Disney music that accompanies falling in love? And if so, how could I ever trust myself to hear correctly again? The reality of the situation was so scary, and raised so many questions about who I was in God and how we communicated, I chose to ignore and to continue in my pathetic little emotional spin cycle.

Bad news, people: Sometimes, we’re just wrong. It’s not God’s fault, it might not even be your fault. But it’s the truth. You are human, you are fallible, and sometimes, you’re wrong.

It’s difficult to let go of the hard things, like bitterness or resentment. One of my roommates woke me up at 5:15am this morning blasting her music in the shower. At. 5:15. In. The. Morning. And then didn’t apologize. At all. I’m having trouble letting go of that serious breach of the rules of Early Morning Etiquette, although I’m working on it.

As hard as it is to let go of that kind of thing (for me, because I’m petty, I know), it’s even harder to let go of things that used to be positive but have slowly warped into something else, something unhealthy and toxic. It’s hard to let go of dreams that you’ve held on to for so long, and understand that sometimes things…don’t happen. It’s hard not to let yourself be poisoned by them, or to look for someone to blame.

Sometimes we make mistakes.

Sometimes the answer is no.

Sometimes things don’t happen

Sometimes we need to let go.

Just in case the message is not sinking in, here's my favorite winter-loving, ice-monster and annoying snowman making, singing queen of Arendelle to get the message through to you...have I even mentioned how much my kids love Frozen? We know all the words.